Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash
Divorce can affect every aspect of one's life. If you have children, the primary concern is how will custody be handled and how often will you be able to see the children. Many men that I talk to are very concerned about getting equal time with the children. Many of us grew up with the old fashioned form of parenting time where typically the mother was granted most of the time with the children and the father would get one evening a week for dinner and alternate weekends from Friday or Saturday to Sunday evening. The fortunate news is that while there is still some bias in some of the courts in Michigan in favor of women, most judge's in Oakland and Macomb County routinely grant joint custody with equal parenting time to each parent regardless of gender.
How Do I Go About Getting Equal Time With The Kids If I Am A Father In Michigan?
Frankly the first thing you should do is consult with a knowledgeable divorce lawyer, also referred to as a family law attorney in the county in which the children reside as this is most likely the county that will have jurisdiction. In the meantime, you should not move out of the marital home until after you have filed for divorce or separation in court and obtained agreement and/or an order from the court that grants equal parenting time to each parent while the case is pending. If the mother of the children has already moved out and taken the children with her you should immediately file for divorce or to establish custody and parenting time if you are not married. Otherwise, if either of you move out and you do not get to see the kids, even if it is because the mother refuses to allow you to spend time with the kids, and this continues for long enough, once the court gets a chance to hear motions or try the case, the court may just order that whatever parenting time you have been getting shall continue until there is a change of circumstances or good cause to revisit parenting time or custody.
Often the mother of the children will have concerns and emotional issues surrounding what they may see as "giving up" parenting time to the father due to their own upbringing or perception of societal norms regarding child rearing. Mediation can be very helpful in these cases. One of the jobs of the mediator is to advise both of the parties what the mediator believes is likely to happen if the case goes to trial and explain all of the various pitfalls, as well as the time, emotion and financial costs of going to trial on this issue. This is particularly helpful when the mediator can convey to the other parent that many of the judges in Oakland and Macomb will start from a position that equal parenting time is appropriate unless the parent seeking to limit the other parent's time with the child has a very good reason to do so and can prove it. in such cases it can be helpful to work-out a "staged parenting time schedule". In a "staged parenting time schedule" one parent may start with more parenting time, but over a period of months, the children increase the amount of time they spend with the other parent and this allows the children and the parents to more gently ease into the equal parenting time schedule. This often helps handle the emotions and concerns that the other parent raises, gets the father to the equal parenting time and allows the parties to move on without the brutality of a divorce trial.
Divorce in general is a very difficult process for anyone to go through and it is especially difficult when you have children. If you have any questions regarding your own situation, please do not hesitate to contact us to schedule a consultation by clicking on this link or calling us at (248) 608-4123.
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