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It is devastating to catch your husband or wife having an affair or cheating on you with another person.  While it is always wise to get some marriage counseling to help you through this emotionally and mentally, you should also immediately contact a family law attorney or divorce lawyer to at least consult with you regarding the legal ramifications.  You should have this consultation before you confront your spouse about this behavior.

Having practiced family law since 1996 it has been my experience that after such a serious breach of trust, even if the couple is able to reconcile, often the trust and respect is so deeply damaged that it really cannot be repaired even if it appears that it can.  While it is laudable to try to save the marriage, if you do eventually separate, the time after the reconciliation and the final breakdown of the relationship can never be gained back.  This blog is intended to very broadly address some of the legal steps you should take if you catch your spouse cheating on you.  If you have specific questions regarding your own situation, please do not hesitate to contact us and schedule a consultation either by clicking on this link or calling (248) 608-4123.

Should I Get a Postnuptial Agreement If We Decide to Stay Together?

This is definitely an issue you should discuss with an attorney.  While prenuptial agreements in Michigan are judicially recognized and routinely enforced by our family law courts, postnuptial agreements do not come with the same guarantee that they will be enforced.  There is a currently a split in the Michigan Court of Appeals decisions regarding some of the issues surrounding post nuptial agreements, so it appears that in some cases and under the right circumstances the courts will enforce postnuptial agreements.  It currently appears the courts are leaning more toward enforcing postnuptial agreements as time goes by.  However due to the legal pitfalls associated with postnuptial agreements, you should definitely consult with a lawyer.

A postnuptial could be a good idea for several reasons if your spouse has had an affair.  One of those is to memorialize what has occurred to cause the breakdown in relationship that required reconciliation and whom was at fault for the cause of the breakdown.  You can then take care of a variety of issues including how alimony should be handled, should the person that agreed to reconcile be guaranteed some alimony or some additional alimony for agreeing to reconcile if the couple eventually divorces?  Should the person that was cheated on be guaranteed a greater than equal division of the property, say sixty (60%) percent rather than fifty (50%) percent, because they agreed to stay together decide being wronged and the emotional damage they have suffered?  Should there be a penalty if the unfaithful spouse has another affair, fling or otherwise engages in some form of sexual activity outside of the marriage?  These are all issues you should discuss with a good family law attorney. and can be addressed in a postnuptial.

Should I Just File for Divorce?

Frankly, after practicing family law for so long, it is my opinion that rather than waste further time and money on a relationship that has already soured and crumbled, you are better off just filing for divorce and moving on with your life.  You cannot get the time back that you continue to waste with someone that does not appreciate or respect you enough to tell you there is a problem and instead secretly pursues a relationship with someone else.  This type of person is not worth wasting any more of your life with.  In addition, while Michigan is a "no-fault divorce state" that does not mean that fault cannot be taken into account when considering alimony and property division.  The longer you stay with the unfaithful spouse, the less relevance it will have in a divorce because there is a legal theory that you have acquiesced to this behavior, forgiven, accepted and reconciled so this infraction is no longer relevant.

Some people feel that they should try to stay together for the sake of the children, it actually seems that often the children are better off not being exposed to this relationship that has become toxic.  Children are perceptive and can sense that something is wrong which leads to anxiety and other emotional issues for them as well.  In addition, in most cases equal or close to equal parenting time is granted to each parent so that the children get to spend a significant amount of time with each parent, even if they are divorced and live in different homes.  Finally, the financial issues can be worked out, if you require some additional support, alimony is still an option and if you are concerned about paying alimony, in many cases it is less than your spouse is costing you now on a monthly basis. 

If you are aware that your spouse is having an affair or otherwise cheating on you, please do not hesitate to contact us to schedule a consultation as soon as possible by clicking on this link or calling (248) 608-4123.